Today I was a little hurt. I mean like, ok... Even though it was said tt there's smth wrong with his attitude.. (and ya, finally I kinda experience it despite my thoughtful efforts of rmbing his bd) he downright reject me right smack into my face. ( ok maybe I take it too hard..) but it was awful. Really awful. Wouldn't want to elaborate further alr. Guess its the first and the last. Do ppl learn to appreciate what has been given to them only after they have lose it?

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It is suppose to be a day of relax and having a celebration spirit. It's christmas day. But on the eve of christmas eve i'm greeted with some disagreements btwn me and my bf. It got worse ytd on the eve when I realise how much i've not been a gf who puts in her effort to assure her bf tt he is her everything. I failed. I realised I seemed to be not doing enough in his eyes. My love for him doesn't seem big enough. I felt miserable trying to meet his needs when it is against my conscience. 2 different personalities can they ever reach to a compromising stage of a r/s? I cant share what is known as private things but because I cant consult ppl on such private issues. I have to bear them and think tt it is ok?? Tt it is fine?? I'm going crazy. I really am. I cannot take the stress and I cant lead such a life crying at night over myself, how "in sensitive" I am as a gf in his eyes. I failed. Maybe this new lifestyle is rather difficult to handle. He in camp, experiencing depression soon over the boredom there. While me, work 8 to 6 job and hardly any life when all I do is morning work nite train. How tough. How difficult. :(

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Today will be a great day! (: I've attended a fantastic course ytd on neuro linguistic programme (NLP) and its was simply amazing! Cant believe the impact it had on me. Only ytd I begin to feel appreciated tt my company is able to put us thru such training courses of which I know its rare to get this opportunity to learn so much! (: I learn to cherish my love one more. I actually learn HOW to make ppl get attracted to me.(be it at a bar/club) it works but no way am I trying it out cos I will get myself into a deep mess and shit haha! I love my tubbie and I shld do it to him see if he gets attracted to me and falls in
Love with me once again? (: hahaha! Sounds good! Definitely! (:

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Is it true tt you wont know when is the end of every beginning ? I feel so empty suddenly. Like he is leaving soon. When he mentioned tt one day I wld find some1 better than him and leave him. I did kinda visualise how it wld be like when we are no longer tgt, it seems empty. The word is empty. I cant hear him telling me to call him every nite anymore. I wont see a single msg from him in the morn anymore. I wld be thinking all the time, "have I ever cross your mind?".. It's definitely not a good idea to think negatively in the mid of the night when tmr there's a wedding i'm attending and I wont see my double eye lid. But I jus feel scared. I'm scared i'm being given up on. I'm scared he has no feeling anymore. I'm scared tt I cant attend his graduation once again. I'm scared i'm being replaced. And most importantly, i'm scare the photoframe wouldn't mean anything to him anymore. :(

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I'm down with cough and sore throat and flu and soon to be - fever (if my body resistance is too low) and this feeling sux. I cant train and I cant go to work and I just have nth to do but to rot at home, shaking my legs -.-

And on days when i feel so terrible (i mean physically sick) all i hope for is Tubbie to be with me. But its not possible of cos. Well, sometimes I demand too much, but yet im not appreciating his presence, the fact that at least he still can sms me every single day. He could book out every day. On several occassions he went overseas and left me behind in singapore, i felt lonely without him. Twice he went to penang, he went to Batam and Hong Kong as well, see... how many days mount up in total i couldnt be with him at all on those days? And I'm thankful he do not have to face any confinement and that I could still see him at night. I ought to be grateful and.... stop whining! Get Well soon!

Just to update everyone. Actually, i'm no longer studying.. (but i still hold my SIM student card haha!) And... after experiencing an aimless life for 2-3 months ++, finally, i found myself a job...

(1) short hours - only 4hrs (tt's 1 point for it!!)
(2) timing is lunch hrs from 11am - 3pm only! (very good! excellent timing!!! another point!)
(3) Work only weekdays!! (superb man! another point!!)
(4) IT IS NEAR MY GYM (OMG! another point!!)
AND...
(5)PAYS $7/hr!!.. what's best next is, if performance gd, there is chances of increasing the hourly pay!! up to $10/hr!! (tt's what stated in the job advertisement when i applied for it ok!) HAAAAA!!!

HEHEHEHE! You know how happy i am when there's this job offer?? So i'm glad i got the job. Well.. it's in F&B environment. I'm working in a Thai restaurant. Seriously, thai cuisine is so foreign to me. And after working for the 1st day, i fell sick for the next 2 days-_- but anyway, the key thing is, 1st day training was rather bad. The training was not gd. Still not good with the orders and everything i also dono wad to say... but guess wad. on the 2nd day of work, i happened to be able to perform, plus business was crowded that day. Hehe! Rachelle (my colleague-she's like the Full timer cum in-charge cum supervisor of the restuarant) praised me hehe! she said many past part timers after 1 wk still cannot take orders or host well... but she said i was good just on the 2nd day of work itself. HEHEHEHE!!! And after a week... i asked for the possibility of pay rise?? She said she's gg to talk to boss abt it as my performance was gd!! Yay!!!! I'm happy happy happy!! hope to get $10/hr if possible. If no, den i quit lor. It's their loss if they reject me. Anyway the advertisement itself put Part timers pay is $8-$10 per hr one. When starting they pay $7/hr i was actually quite disappointed :( cos $7/hr was NOT stated in the newspaper!

But anyway tt's over. I'm just happy i'm going to get a pay rise soon. HEEEEEE HAAAAA!!! Just to share, at work lunch hrs can be very busy, sometimes must RUN instead of walk... Handle customers' complaints of long waiting time for the food.. half of my customers are ang mohs~ but you knw, i didnt like to face difficult customers of course.. (who likes man!) Somehow i wish and i pray that i dont get nasty customers. May my days at work be smooth and... Busy and tired - nvm, as long as no tough customers - den i happy already =) hehe!

guess what. Ytd was my virgin experience.. clubbing at the age of 21. O.M.G... Lagggggggg~~~~ Loserrrrr~~~~ ZzZZzZz!!! And the music was exceptionally L.O.U.D! i wonder how the heck ppl can tahan getting their ears busted with music by clubbing every single week bla bla bla~!~! Anyway we went to Rebel when we wanted to go Arena but no tables only standing tables available so in the end it was a no. Oh ya, the "we" is Tubbie and me with his platoon mates & sgt. There were i think 8 of us if i didn rmb wrongly. His platoon mates were not tt bad, i mean friendly, quite nice and rather pro dancers i must say. Haha. And funny in a sense, after drinking go dance and chiong to find girls. Hahaha. Tubbie's sgt is indeed, how he portray himself to be very "zai". Hahaha!! Find girls and yo ah yo.. yo until halfway the music stop and there's police spot check. HAHAHA! an abrupt moment back to reality! its damn funny esp his facial expression!!





Ytd was the day i really had a gd conversation with dance. in public. free and easy. But all in all i would give the music rating a 5/10 -_- it very techno-ish and i get bored hearing of it 50-70% of the time. Ratio of guys to girl is 10 : 1 which makes sgt damn sian jp. haha!

I got home late. and slept real late after talking to Tubbie for an hr on the phone after i got back. And the sad thing is, Tubbie was too sensitive last night, overprotective and unhappy that I said I find there's nth wrong dancing with friends (includes male) rather than only him. I dont know what you guys think in my perspective, different ppl have different perspective.. Dancing is FINE with me. But being touchy is a no-no. What abt dancing with strangers? (It was smth Tubbie did worry too) Yeah, but u know what, i'm actually quite scared also la haaaahaaaa!! You really think i DARE meh.. i'm not even that friendly to my neighbours or ppl whom i see almost everyday in the gym etc. . u think i welcome STRANGERS who i barely see for the 1st time in my life... and DANCE with them?? I will freak out la. seriously. I'm only comfortable with ppl whom i know or friends' friend. kinda. rather than complete strangers. That's a little way out of my limit.

So, i was hoping Tubbie could u know, dont feel "stress" or worry too much. Cos no one is gonna take advantage of me and i'm not gg let anyone bully me. full stop. Cool with it? (: Tubbie love, u've got HBP, pls cut down on your drinking (he drank terribly a lot ytd!) and caffeine as well.

Yeah. And... i've got a part time job now. HAHA. I wan to see how long i can tahan actually. hahahaha! i think its quite a joke. oops!

You know why I'm so SO pathetic? I got rejected for the CCPE job. what the ****!!!(fill-in-your-desired-4-lettered-words-of-your-choice.)

Just as I was abt to resort to fate and forget-it just listen to Mr Low's advice and apply for the relief teaching position in schools, (when behind the back of my mind I was seriously damn pissed with this bloody suggestion - in the 1st place i'm not interested to TEACH AT ALL!!!!!!!! ) then i looked at the date of today... 14 October 2010. Oh yeah... isnt school holidays coming??? RELIEF WHAT SHIT! RELIEF TABLES AND CHAIRS AND EMPTY CLASSROOMS WITH NOT A SINGLE SOUL IN UNIFORMS?????????
BULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL-SHETTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGHHHH!!!

I felt even more pissed as I'm still out of job and I'm damn shit poor! You know how shit i feel when i have no money and there's lots of things i cant do. I cant get gifts for my lover, I can only envy how my friends who had been working for the past few months and how she can afford to buy Fossil Watch for her bf.... And what can i get for my lover? Nth. Just dinner. Home cooked dinner. full stop. Yeah. tt probably explains HOW MUCH i can afford for a ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY "gift" to him. How sad!

sucks man... SWAY!

It seems that whenever i hit that particular weight, i always end up drifting away. Can i really get wayyy pass it?? I feel I'm still unacceptably fat on photographs. Jus observe my round face and tt's the reason why i say so. Yea. Sad truth.

I mus say, this week was lonely without him. but i think at least i managed to pull thru it. Friday's movie alone was hmmm... even though the threatre sits probably only 10 ppl (cos its at such an early timing of 11.35am in the morning!) yeah... there were 4 couples; mixed/same genders... and i was the only one. But it was cool to have the whole popcorn to myself (:

I dont mind watching movie alone actually. but a companion is just a bonus. (:

Yesterday night, Tubbie left for Penang. I suddenly feel so empty without him =/ I remember last night on our last phone call, he said he hope i could cook smth for him when he comes back. As i looked thru my recipe books and internet recipes on Madeleines, i recalled our-one-and-only time i made breakfast for him in the morning b4 he heads to work.

I missed this day where I made him breakfast. I wished I could made hotcakes for him, sit by him and watch him eat my breakfast love for him. =(

Life is vulnerable and unpredictable in the outside world, away from your homeland. I pray hard he is safe and nth happens to him. Did i mention abt Bibi & Baba?




Baba on top of Bibi

I missed that special day when Tubbie could stay at my house overnight. (=


Tubbie with Baba and that sickening bolster!


Me and Bibi! Bibi is always the one is yellow!! Baba always wears all sort of bedsheet colours. hahaha!


I love you, Tubbie Love. (:

I miss you now. right now. I regretted the way i bit you farewell at Bugis ytd. I wished I could hug you tighter b4 you leave me.

I want to cook for you again... :(

While gymming today. I heard this catchy song. Not bad in terms of the beat and rhythm of the song. But when i heard someone's voice... i kinda suspect it was THIS band that is singing it... (becos i was thinking probably this is some Mark Anthony song or whatever - but it wasnt!) HAHAHA. the moment i go youtube and type the lyrics out. THERE IT IS!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B5Dc14h_3W0

HAHAHA!! I knew it!! BSB song! I can actually recognised AJ's voice Whahahahaha!!! I dont know why but i find it damn funny man (to myself la) cos instead of being able to hear Nick's voice, instead I recognised AJ's voice to be able to confirm this is a BSB song. hahaha!!

believe it or not. I was offered the job as nutritionist. But since there is a bond to it, automatically my parents are against it. Guess i've got to go for job interview this mon.

been doing research a lot. quite fun to discover new findings. haha. I must say, today's dinner was rather gd. Bake eggplant tastes goooddd (= heeez... Going to try coconut milk (yeah it IS coconut milk! you can laugh behind my back if you want) tmr. Hopefully it taste as acceptable as LF condensed milk. ritez...

I still dont believe in zero carb diet. It is killer. and detrimental to health. I would buy the facts on high calcium diet, Vit. C before workout etc.. cos i see for myself, thru my weight and fat mass. They show that they work.

Today was quite a rush for me. Am happy that i'm now in better terms with Tubbie, after talking things out ytd and he surprised me by coming to my house and waited for me for a few hours.

Alrights! Job interviews coming up one after another. Was hoping to quickly get job attached soon! So as not to disappoint my parents and I must stop relying on them to provide for me and give me allowance if not i feel damn bad!!

Tmr by hook or by crook I must do my back training. Actually I kinda love back training (= I really do. I'm beginning to love it more and more. Heehee!!

I have a goal, not fitness goal i'm refering to... I mean, i have a goal in terms of diet&nutrition. My goal here is to be able to create a Low GI mini bread that is 1 serving. A serving size suitable for an individual. I just love bread. And I must do my research and be able to formulate a delicious really LOW GI Bread with absolutely no refined flour, no refined/cane sugar etc. Yes! Diet Bread! I must invent one!!

Ytd was the first time I went Marina Barrage, but the day was horrendous! One of my worst wkend with my boyfriend. I'm pretty upset with the fact:
1) We didnt have what was "planned" to have a picnic (not including the mat) but the main focus is to sit down, enjoy the scenery and eat our packed food.
2) I had to walked alone to the bus stop of Marina Bay to catch the bus to Marina Barrage when it was planned then we wld go together.
3) Waiting for him - nvm. my eyes were fed with those dust/sand in the air when big construction trucks drive by(damn! there were LOTS of them ok!!)
4) FB has my D photos and he has yet to delete them after claiming it'd be done in "awhile" !!
5) He lift up my blouse IN PUBLIC!
6) He caught my unglam shot and still got the cheek to laugh.
7) I went home alone, tired, irritated, totally black-faced.

I hated yesterday. I hated him. Even though he put down his ego and pride as a MAN and was being shout at, by me in public, I still couldnt bring myself to think in his shoes how he felt letting a woman shout at him.I was overwhelmed with disgust and annoyance over his childishness and failure to understand me inside-out. He absolutely still dont understand me at all. I'm pretty sick and tired of him disrespecting me. Sometimes I really really want a breakup but he just simply refuses to let me go.

Life's misery just never seems to end.

Had planned exciting meals on Thursday! Looking forward to it! (: Hearty Wholemeal Pasta for breakfast! Chkn Wraps for lunch tgt with Tubbie and gonna try a new dish for dinner. Hehe!! excited!! (:

Tubbie is starting workk tmr onwards. Hope he'll make as much friends as he can in the dept. (: Lunch with Tubbie tmr! And movies awaiting in evenings after he ends work! (:

Since unriddle has come to a conclusion today. It's time to head back for my nightly cardio! Get the move, feel the groove. Jus move'it!

Oops! Past midnight! nvm! toDAY... was Tubbie and me's 10th month~ watched Grown Ups instead of what he told me - Vampire Suck (But it wasnt even out in the cinemas yet) and i wanted to suggest Step Up but he has already bought the tix. Grown Ups is quite funny I must say. But all in all, just some average movie.



Happy 10th Month My Tubbie Love Love Love~



And he is extra happy cause I have specially prepared dinner for him (: Grilled Chicken Wrap and Prawn & Peach Wrap (: Overall, today was a great time spent together (: lovelove!



Saw this in today's Sunday Times. And isnt it obvious? Such children deserve bloody SMACKING!!! HATE THEM TTC !!!! (TO THE CORE!!!!)

Here I am, sick for 2 days and this idiot didnt make the effort to fulfill his duties of 'taking care of me' or 'looking after me'. When the times he is unwell, I make the bloody effort to go down to his place just to be there for him. But when I AM unwell, where the hell is his bloody soul? full of crap. I am sick and at the same time, damn pissed with his bloody LOW IQ!!!

Greetings! Today is a good day except that late morning's heavy downpour was really heavy!! Today's shoulders workout was a good one. It is not the super duper intensive and muscle-building workout for shoulders, but i find its more of a moderate one, enough for me to feel the "push and pull" of my shoulder muscles. Toned shoulders ftw! go go go!

My glutes are still aching since Mon's legs training. Cant do proper leg stretching exercises cos its aching quite badly :( Anyway its not as bad as one time whereby glutes and quads are painful like hell. I even cried while being massaged. Terrible. I promised myself never to end up that stage any more. Hardcore suffering.


This is Tubbie. Hehehe! So cute! =)

I gave up hoping for a miracle to happen. Things change and will never be the same again, anymore.

I am not in very good terms with Tubbie these few days or probably weeks. We have been quarrelling every time we meet. I'm so tired emotionally and handling a r/s is really very tough, esp when we have our stubborn sides and ego. He pinpoints my weaknesses over and over again while time and time again i always choose to avoid them. The main problem is in me.

The entire story of me is too long and recalling every vivid details of myself and my life makes me feel more discouraged and paralyzed. Maybe Tubbie thinks i am just finding excuses for myself to cover up my weaknesses by dragging in my past painful childhood memories, the fact tt i'm born with a silver spoon which leads to why i'm so spoilt, unreasonable and selfish. Tubbie says he doesnt understands me. Because i'm too complicated, just nobody will understand me. Because nobody understands me, they dont know they have hurt me so badly. Since young I have been hurt deep in my heart, but i just cant pour it out because I know that even if i pour all my sorrows out, no one is there to hear or even want to be there for me. I dont see anyone even remembering me. Because my existence is more towards non existence, and that i know partially i'm not really accepted by others. I dont know if i should blame myself or blame the background of where I am from, or maybe i dont even have the right to play this "blaming" game for the result of my fate. I'm just going through life now trying to reach my fitness goal but still far far away from them, at times feeling pressurised by Tubbie.

Do you know i'm really really very tired? I realise i cannot even handle my own r/s. Sometimes giving up isnt the best solution. Then what? Long term suffering will lead to happier days? I beg to differ. I'm feeling pain. I'm always hiding it. I hate to hide it. But i just cant help it. I need to move on with life and put them on hold. Only when i see time on my own, tt's when i feel less choked with them inside me after pouring them out to myself. I hope I can go somewhere peaceful with nth more to be bothered with.

It is my 4th time taking an energy bar. Somehow, i'm beginning to buy the fact that energy bar is not really my diet enemy. It really gives me the ENERGY to really have a go at my trainings. I'm planning dfor my 2nd cardio workout in an hr's time, and after having the energy bar, i felt the surge of energy, ready to be pumped and get my body movin'. Awesome!

For 2 consecutive days (Fri & Sat NIghts!), Tubbie came to my home to eat my specially-made-for-him dinner (: Even though these 2 days Tubbie never failed to irritate me and piss me off. BUt nevertheless, I still care for him more than he knows it. And he knows I still love him, despite the countless flatulence emitted from his bloody asshole that permeates and stinks up my whole room!


Friday, 6 August 2010:
Garlic Pepper Brown Rice, Stir Fried Vegetables and made from scratch - Beef Patty


Saturday, 7 August 2010:
Potato Rosti, Pork Chop and Honey glazed carrots.

I hope i can cook for Tubbie again (: ... but provided he should stop being so annoying!!

Maybe i have this reputation of being aloof. Besides that, my flaws kick in as well. Always getting so het up about small issues. Despite always trying to ingratiate myself with my circle of friends, but i'm just the solitude of my own, all along.

does life really revolves around you & your partner and no one else? tt's sad man.
pls adjust your thinking if u've had tt in mind.

adieu.

Tubbie is back from batam today. but today we quarrelled over smth which i feel its not meant to be disagreed until it becomes a big matter, just a small issue. We are of different frequency sometimes, different background, different expectations of each other, both wanting different things, wanting our ways, hard to accomodate to another, hard to compromise at times etc.

I know my flaw is insisting my way. You know yours. Sometimes i just dont know how to please you, enough. Everything doesnt seem enough. In terms of loving you, caring for you, giving you what you need. Pretty difficult I must say.

Are we never at the right frequency for each other? or is it just hard or impossible to meet each other's expectations?

Take 1

Take 2

Take 3


From here you can conclude, who is "childish" .... HEHEHEHE!!!!

Today my tubbie left me for Batam. BATAM!!!! HAIYO!!!! Keep going overseas. -_-

Just cant decide on getting a job in CBD area or back at my home area. Transport cost is a big bomb. SMRT is damn sick in the mind!

I think if i dont make the first move to try, i will never know where i'll be going.

So, maybe life will be more challenging with work rather than lazing arnd with no aims. It's time to grow up after all.

Somehow, i feel i've gone overboard with my words/actions towards him.

I know he will be disappointed with my pessimistic thinking. I'm just upset with my current situation now. In a dilema over work and other commitments - commitment to my trainings, relationship, friends, family, REST&SLEEPS etc. If church is still another commitment i had to bear, i guess i would have put to an end one of the commitments. I'm exhausted to the bone. GIve me a break.

After talking ytd night with him and today's time spend together at home; eating lunch, sleeping, eating dinner tgt... i can feel Tubbie's commitment and love.

Tubbie deserves the best food, to grow and gain mass and he deserves a good diet( the high protein, low carb and low fat diet!) I will cook up for him extremely good diet food. Why? Because i want him to be happy. How I know what makes him happy? His passion for bodybuilding. I know he loves bodybuilding. I want him to win Asian competition. I know he can. I will feed him with my diet meals till he succeed (:

sometimes i think and think, and i feel that i'm pretty upset with myself. I actually feel that i'm rather weird, or rather, a little hard to understand in fact. Even sometimes my answer to MYSELF could be a vague, 'I-DONT-KNOW-WHY' reply. Basically I've been a rather insensitive or I should say, 'lack-of-intimacy & feelings' girlfriend. Every night as i reflected my behaviour and actions and what i've done for the entire day, and sometimes recalling my past actions, I realise how "bad" a girlfriend i am (when all along i've always had the image of myself being a perfect, loving girlfriend. how ironic!)

At times I dare to say, I can really take care of my partner. I know how to care for him. I would willingly (at times) cook his meals for him so that he can have extra time to sleep longer instead of waking up early just to prepare his meals, buy his groceries for him, get him things that he need like medications when he is unwell etc. But i'm also a bad gf in a way, i have moodswings, i would make a big fuss over small things when they dont go my ways...when i'm bad, i'm really bad. Bad in a sense, i would raise my voice and scold.(bad rite?) but not to a point when i get physically abusive. (HAHA! hope not.) Sometimes i feel my bad points kind of overright my good ones. And yeah, which partly i guess i'm not a 'good person' afterall.

Tubbie always initiates to hold my hand, but sometimes i just rejected him. He would always hold on to my hands tight but i would loosely hold it without any firm grip. Tubbie would try to kiss me but sometimes i would turn away to avoid it.
I thought abt it, somehow, imagine yourself in his shoes, how his love treat him like that. Can you feel the hurt, in his heart? I'm guilty of my actions. But i just think that he doesnt deserve this when he has given his love, so much to another, but yet not receiving back an equal amount of love back in return.

things just dont go the way you want it to be.

I've decided to get a job soon. so that i can keep myself busy with work, trainings, go home, rest, sleep and I dont have to think abt any other things, keeping myself away from other commitments.

I know there's this real problem in me. I ought to go thru everything alone, which is partly what i deserve.

I've never wanted to comment much. I feel that certain sensitive issues, comments should be kept to yourself. Nobody begs to hear your opinion. But this time round, i find that mass media has gone too far - the newspapers, The Straits Time.

This is for the writers of ANY articles related to City Harvest Church and all the shootings and aimings of how CHC staffs misused of funds, Pastor involved in plagarism *New case now*.. so what's next? are you gonna break in some interesting news like Pastor has an affair with one of the staff? Or CHC songwriters used copyright music? blah blah blah... new stories coming up one after another, and everything is freaking negative. Giving the public freaking bad impression of CHC as CHC is portrayed in a "bad light" obviously. How freaking biased the bloody mass media is. Absolute bull shit!

One is enough. Stop bombarding his life with more, more, & MORE! Have a heart to give him time to settle one b4 bringing up another. Brainless medias. Piece of crap!!

Today i think i calorie surplus. And, I think I cant train everyday now :( My muscles need rest, I need rest, my body and muscles needs time to recuperate, rebuild collagen to the joints, esp.

Toto is getting sick these few months. extremely.

Tubbie is finally back home tonight!! (:(:

Anyway, i'm beginning to feel weird in the gym. becos i'm just doing freakin "UNUSUAL" weights training which practically nobody understands what the hell i'm doing. [but of cos i knw what i am! ;) ] I hope this experiment doesnt fail me. And and, i can confirm, my 'Super Combo Set' of Biceps & Triceps work big time. Who says lifting light weights doesnt build muscles? Both arms of mine are getting leaner. Try doing about 200 squats in a day and tell me if the muscles on your thighs will toughen up a not. u bet.

Anyway, this cocky person in my life came up to me, almost wanted to brag to me how much his gf can bench. (As in how heavy she can do the bench presses) obviously he kinda looked down on my patheic 8 lbs of bench press. So what if she's gt the go at weights. But i've got the go at cardio. Can you cardio 2.5hrs one shot? No? No stamina. How sad. I've got no resistance strength, my resistance training is peanuts to you. But i've gt endurance stamina and YOUR cardio is peanuts to me. DO NOT COMPARE with me. Lifting heavy doesnt make you leaner than me. excuse me? how wrong. I'll show u one fine day, you've tried to brag to the WRONG person. Mister. Dont try to put me down cos instead, it will be the opposite.

Downstairs those nuisance, annoying indian kids are assaulting my ear drums with their damn bloody high pitch SCREAMS. WTH! My room's door is closed, music is playing on my labby and their screams are even LOUDER than MY MUSIC?!?!??! HELLO!! I'm staying on the highest floor somemore. Kids & Babies that only know how to whine, cry and SCREAMMMM!! are bloody pain in the ass. I HATE NOISY KIDS THEY ARE NOTHING BUT PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!! (DAMN PISSED!!)

eenie meenie mani mo lova~

Abt 2 weeks ago, Tubbie left me for Penang.

Today, Tubbie left me again. For HongKong...



Awaiting for your return. Monday pls quickly come.

Near or Far, I will always keep you in my heart.

My Tubbie Love, I miss him a lot.

2 more days to Wednesday!! Cant wait to meet my Tubbie and cook for him Lunch & Dinner!!

By hook or by crook, I MUST reach my goal. SELF CONTROL!!!!!!!!!

I'm saving money. Lots of money. And I really hope I can strike toto!!!!!!!!

Today my student's parent gave me a present. Why? Because i helped her son score 94.5/100 for his maths. Actually, the truth is, her son is very smart, not me. I didn't help much to be frank. He is hardworking, does his hw, knows his concept very well. So i dont see why shouldnt he getting A* for maths.

I miss my Tubbie a lot. It's only Sunday!!!!!! =(((((((

Tubbie where are you? I miss cooking for you, serving you and cleaning your house. :(

I missed Tubbie's presence. I've been waiting for his call. I've been brought back to the past - the days when Tubbie is no longer there, by my side.

Tubbie, where are you? :(

Why isnt today Tuesday?

3 more dreadful days to go thru w/o him. How to survive army days when he is gone for 5 days, every week... for 2 years?!?!

Now i know that loneliness was never my friend.

Tubbie has left for penang. He left without saying goodbye. He will be away till nxt wednesday. I miss Tubbie.

Last Night was a really sad night. Crying on the phone to Tubbie, and crying to sleep. When he told me the truth that I dont really have any true friends (and i knew abt it all along just tt i dont want to face it), it really break my heart so badly. You dont know how it feels to know that friends find you when they need you, leave you when they dont need you, or even treat you as substitutes. I chose to not believe it but until I see it with my own eyes and realised how much i'm not worth in the eyes of these ppl. When Tubbie is in my life now, i've never neglected my friends but end up its the other way round. It seems like an 'automatic' reaction frm them when I've never wanted it to happen. And I'm not a clingy girlfriend. I've always enjoyed the company of friends around - but i've never had one.

Life is definitely much better than pre-exam period!! (sux to the core!) I'm working hard training every single day =D (u bet! i really enjoy training now oh how i miss training days a lot man!!!!) 50kg by 23rd June pls! or lower even better. was hoping to fit into my gown nicely (:

Tmr is my High Tea Birthday celebration (a late one!) To those who are unable to make it, its ok man (: hope tmr will be a great day for you. And to those who are coming, hope u pamper your stomach and enjoy the food (: hehe!

I believe discipline is in me. I know i can do it. And i will. (: Since I've discovered my fat-burning cross trainer - 10 hrs of cardio in a week. Go Go Go!

Tubbie is love (: My goal for these few weeks - create a protein rich food for Tubbie (and myself as well since im on a strict diet now!) hahahaha!!! Surprise for him (: AND!!!!! shet.. i need to check out the price for Tubbie's 7th month anniversary soon. SOON!!!!!!

Popcorns make me smile (:

I'm really damn sian of studying.. Anyway, here's my major plans after the end of the week, beginning 17 May 2010 onwards till 23rd June (THe day of my sis's wedding dinner) I have to be & must be at weight 50kg! target target target!
1 month of healthy eating and no cheat meals except weekends only!

And next agenda is read the book The Last Song, time to improve my EL haha! And alsoooooo... i wanna trial and error and be able to make healthy bread!!! Healthy custard bun or perhaps egg tarts hahahaha!!

Study Study Study...
Dont know, ask daddy...
Mummy so funny...

Tubbie aka the short form of 'Teletubbie' (new name i gave to Muscles), was very upset with me today. I can feel his fear. I know I'm at fault. I'm very upset that he is sad =( Tubbie was hurted by his past. I feel really hurted too =(


I love my tubbie (:

Today is among the 5 papers i'm taking, the paper that i love most and but also i dont quite like it. I knw it sounds contradicting. I love Socio because it is interesting ( its abt the study of relationship in human societies ) but i dont like it in a sense, the content is freaking HEAVY! Lots of memory work, theories to rmb! (and i'm a person who sux at memory based work) But anyway, i'll just do my best for the paper later. I hope I'm able to rmb whatever i've covered.

For the first time in my life, i really feel so lost with where i am and i know i'm not gonna make it thru the next sem smoothly. I feel "lost" in a sense is in terms of my studies, to know that Business was never the right path for me. It hurts to see myself suffer and my love ones around me suffer as well.

I just want my 4th phase and the final phase of my education to begin when im mentally ready and financially steady. Even if my parents cannot afford to pay for my school fees (in full amount), at least i want to contribute some to ease the burden of my two old folks.

To not break their heart further, i'll sit for what i think is wasting a few hrs of my time but really, even u knw frm the bottom of your heart everything is comming to a conclusion, you'll still finished the race till the end, despite knowing you've lost. I want my parents to know tt, I did tried, but i just couldnt get it right.

I cannot vision what my future holds. I know that I love media, I know i have the X factor, and i know that, maybe pursuing it wld mean i hav to forego certain things in life. One of it for sure - is my precious time with my loved ones.

It's my dream to work in the media industry. I'll probably save up some money and commit in doing freelance for a year. Probably next year if i managed to at least, meet my fitness goal by this year. (i hope?) But dont mistook anyway, working in the media industry is my dream. My dream but it doesnt mean it'd be my long term career path. Still, it depends on whether there's any future for me in that line.

And lastly i want to say, my parents worry sick for my future. But deep in my heart, i know they want the best for me. Sometimes, experiencing the best, having the best, working hard to be the best... doesnt make your life happy with what you are doing. Think abt it, (a) wld u rather force yrself to do smth tt makes u earn millions but yet you have never been happy with what you are doing? or (b) wld u work hard, doubly hard in your job( doubly hard becos currently u're just a diploma holder) but yet feel tt life is worth living day by day as you are doing smth you really like to do?

Make your stand.

i'm freaking irritating now. and irritated as well.

i'm having moodswings all the time. =(

I'm really sad that i'm hurting Muscles. I dont want to make him feel upset at all =(
Today is our 6th month. I'm scared. I'm scared i'll go mad. =(

Supper is keeping me away from my fitness goal. And i believe it's a test of your Self Control-ness.

Muscles made me feel appreciated these few days, after knowing how much he has hurt me on Vday. But however, it's a lil sad to know that my feelings is not as deep as b4.. First and foremost, I cant believe which girl can bear with his treatment towards her, on the day she expressed her greatest love for him. Right now, this is Muscles' dP.



This is a secret msg i sticked it behind the present i gave to him, which is a photoframe, on vday. He said he was really touched and he felt damn bad on vday when he claimed it was a bad vday (when i gave him smth and i receive nth at all from him.) anyway it was a pretty long story... it was the most hurting experience i ever got from him.

Weather is unpredictable these days. Sometimes hot, sometimes raining cats & dogs. I came to realise that I had gone thru a major sms explosion last month. omg. i actually hit more than 1000 smses in a month. The figure is eye-opening i've never experienced tt before. Since when i became a business woman?? so many smses in a month wth?!? -.- Time to cut down on smses!!

Night classes this week, and next as well. Wow seem more and more busy, and exams so freaking near. I hardly flip the pages of my econs, poa and basically its everything. haha! (still got the cheek to laugh!) oh well, i cant believe i still can relax at one corner and not mugging for the upcoming exams. Smth's wrong with me man.

Yes.. i think smth is wrong with me. I feel i'm a bit of a changed person, in some ways of course. but is not that i dont admit it, people changed w/o them knowing, they need ppl to tell them WHERE exactly they have changed. I cannot really identify exactly what's my change right now as compared to last time. Dont talk abt my regular routine of gymming, i mean in terms of attitude and character?? =/ like how? for better or for worse? pls be frank with me man.

I think every entry i have the tendency to update my r/s status. At the moment, oh well, zhiwei is very right. I've lost faith in him and it leads to my feelings to fade eventually, whether i regain back my feelings, it all depends on him, how he's gonna salvage it. I dont believe i'm a bitch. What i mean is, a bitchy woman who breaks up with her partner and go for another guy tt sort of thing. I believe i have a loyal heart. Because my rule of conduct is like,'do unto others what you want others to do unto you.' seriously man, if i were to leave Muscles for another guy, i know i will have my retribution one day. So ultimately, the best is, never love the other more than he loves you. The one who love less has more power in the r/s. damn true, like totally. Ok dont get me wrong, i dnt have feelings for any other guys man, Muscles is still in my heart, just that he doesnt knw how to love me and i feel so 'wth' why am i so dumb, like dont i deserve some1 who knws how to cherish me more???-.- And one personality trait bodybuilders have in them, in general, is their selfishness. This is the truth. damn blardy selfish and only think of themselves. (like as if i dont. HAHAHA!!!!)

Ok i think i've said enough on that part. I'll cont on another time cause right now. I need my afternn nap. REST!! Sch later on. POA! (Somehow i feel POA is like a stranger to me. shet!!)

Marche treat was ytd. Zen and I ate hell a lot. Rosti was our main purpose to eat there. and according to him, he says the food is rather salty. I didn even know tt. So i guess my sodium intake overshot ytd, without knowing it.

Zen shared with me otw home about bodybuilding and some underside of bodybuilding. I feel that he has gone really far in bodybuilding, having started out 4 years ago and he is really well experienced. Bodybuilding is really for him. A lifestyle that not many people have the talent for it, have the cut for it. Somehow i really admire how much he has been thru, how bodybuilding really shape his life to become who he is today. I must say, I'm really proud of him that he has achieved so much, just that i dont know how to tell him that you know, he is really someone any bodybuilder can look up too, I really respect him in this aspect a lot a lot. And i actually feel that, the one who is really really proud of him, but yet couldnt show it at all.. is none other than his late father. Though his father is no longer arnd, I believed He sees him thru his entire journey of bodybuilding. You know i didn mention his 'father' would be the one that is most proud of him.. because i dont want to remind him abt his father again, like why? So i said "family". But instead he was pretty -ve abt his family. Cos he claims his mother doesnt like him in this line and he is not even close to his sister. You know that blood is thicker than water rite? even i can say, i'm just 'water' to him, but yet he doesnt know that his mother deep down, is proud of her son. Somehow i looked into her eyes and facial expressions.. i know she really cares and i know she really loved him. You knw, some people just dont know how to express their love for a person at all, but deep down they really really love them so much.

Anyway, dont ever envy me that i'm fortunate to have him, that he is mine, my boyfriend etc. I dont know how long our r/s will last. Because i know i wont marry him for sure. hahahaha! Even though he claims he wants to marry me but i promise you tt's not gonna happen. Actually i'm just waiting for some new girl to come into his life and some new guy to come along or maybe even none, then we can come to a conclusion. I know you think its weird that i'm typing this but seriously, i know we have no future, honestly speaking. I'm too mature/sensitive for him and he needs someone younger and more of his type kind. We are not really compatible la. He has some flaws I really cannot accept. I dont trust him as much as what a gf shld have done. Why i dont trust him is because he doesnt convince me in ways that i shld place trust in him u know? You wouldnt believe it, i request for breakup hell lots of time alr. He doesnt let go cos he say he really loved me but i think its not true la. And you might ask, "Do i really love him?" Well, I do... sometimes only. On and Off. Its on the rocks. Maybe its true i fall in love easily and fall out of love easily. It's really true.

Anyway, I'm sorry, this blog entry is just to show tt he is like the limelight now. And i talk quite a lot abt him. But you know, this is like a phase of my life now. This phase will end soon. It's just a matter of time. Maybe the time when he's handcuffed to army and I'm handcuffed to school. Probably it'd be tt period everything now, will end.

Alrite, I've got school in a while. Exams in like 3 weeks time. So now i have to spend more time studying (but i dont seem to be doing that yet!). Hmmm gtg get ready. Update soon. (:

Ytd was the Bodybuilding Nationals. Like finally. 10th April has arrived! Muscles really own the stage for his Junior's Men category. Clinching Champion once again.. 3 years in a row...


See his 2 medals... He gt Champion for his Junior's (Under 21) Category and 2nd for Senior's (Open to all age grp) Category. Gold & Silver Medal.. plus the trophies too. See his bloody hard rock abs... after eating 4 pcs of my peanut butter and pandan bread.. the abs still there sia. Crazy! haha. And and...


He still can walk arnd the house in his Levis underwear.. DOOR OPEN SOMEMORE! wth!!! -_-" but when u take a close uplook.. his biceps are huge.. his quads esp.. jaw dropping.. i'm really happy for him that he achieved his goal. =) and he's really happy!



Ytd was really a tiring but very good show watching the championships. Though there are politics behind it (sian-.-) but nvm.. overall its not bad. considered it's my first time watching Nationals.

Good Job Muscles! =)

Today's training is very very fruitful!!! Did 2hr cardio without feeling worn out! feeling great!!! (= i love the stamina in me. I hope i'm able to do a gd workout like today for tmr's training! (: and and, tonite pls pls sleep early and rest early! cos tmr i mus mus wake up earlier so tt i can reach the gym early!! and train early!! (:

I feel really gd I must say. I'm also excited tt Nationals for our beloved bodybuilders is this coming sat!! 3 more days!!! i cant wait i cant wait! So exciting! I hope it'd be a fantastic show. Seeing Muscles, Brandon and Myren on stage, shining like Champions! (=

I like where we are going now. I like it that i can somehow... embrace the old Muscles back into my arms already. I miss the old Muscles so so much. I love our time spend tgt, those quality time. Back in those days when we have triple dates along with Myren & Beverly as well as Mel and Brandon. I hope we can catch a movie tgt again. I hope all of us can camwhore again b4 our boys enter army. I really hope Muscles will always be who he is as 'Muscles' in my heart.

I love my love. (=

Every time I manage to let you go,
you somehow manage to
sneak right back into my heart.

Relationships are like glass.
Sometimes it's better to leave them broken
than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.
How true it is...

financial crisis!!

It seems true that i'm hard to understand. or is it my expectation of him is too high? I think i've gone too far at my words, the misunderstandings... jumping into conclusions..

There's a lot i'm keeping but i just cant seem to say it out until after his comp.Because it will only adds more stress to him.

To be honest, sometimes i dont really know him at all. He was right. I seem to be a stranger to him, and he does for me as well.

It's a new week. Maybe from this week onwards, i shld make a habit to keep a log book of my trainings and meals. (haha!) Actually i'm doing some experiments NOW... still in the process of it. Like this week for instance, i'm experimenting in terms of my diet; obtaining my proteins from food sources like Fish & egg whites (duh!). Yea.. because i surf the net last nite and i realised tt 100g of chicken breast has protein source double the amount of fish BUT the fat is 7 times the amount of fish (wth!-.-) my jaw instantly dropped i cant believed it? to prove what i read is indeed true? i'll embark on a FISHY diet this week, minimal amount of fat intake a day, continous CT as per normal... and we shall see if my fat drop. How does that sound? (: Anyway my best record in a week is 1kg drop of fat(omg tt's 9000 calories of fat BURNT!). Can this diet and my regular training beat tt record? we shall see...

As for training... hahaha! SECRET! =X i'm pretty confident of my experiment for my training because... today is the 4th day of trying it, and i can see really minor results SEH!!! OMG! just the fourth day!! i'm trying it out until the 10th day, 20th day and hopefully... i can achieve my goal (: Oh well, if it's successful, i'll spill out the beans alrite? (:

Hey, let me be honest now. I kinda missed my days with Muscles, yea its true. Spending a few hrs in the weekends with him. Going to his place to slack and just be by his side. Thinking of ways to make him smile by showering my love on him; love in terms of giving him things, preparing meals for him etc. I miss his embrace. I miss giving him a back hug. I miss leanning on his chest to feel his rapid heart-beat (it's rapid, cos he is taking some fat burner-.-) I miss his french kiss. (HAHAHA!) I actually miss the times he made me upset and angry and really P-I-S-S me off! Ahahaha! Now tt's utterly STUPID! To think i actually hated it, now tt it's gone with the wind and i got the cheek to miss it.

Anyway i'm glad thru out my r/s with him, he never knew abt this place. he never knew that i onced really love him very VERY much! My Love for him was the most GENUINE feeling. I never knew love can be so powerful. He must be very tired running thru my mind all day long. So the days he complained he was tired, i can understand why.

Oh well, every beginning has an ending. At least we are still friends (: and though he is "alone". Alone in a sense, he is not like Myren and Brandon who has their gf by their side thru thick & thin of the comp preparation. I really want to be there for him... AS A FRIEND! You know i'm your nicest friend on earth. (: THE NICEST! DAMNEDEST! And it's your loss for throwing me away. (Hahaha!) So how many sweet people out there still cherish me?? (((=

OMG! ok i've calculated. for 14 wks save 50 bucks per wk. and for 3 mths i take out 50% of my tuition fees per mth. Plus the remaining money i've saved. Hmmm... shld be a gd big ang pao already. (but wah piang! i think i need to think twice b4 buying clothing for myself man-.-)

Today was a great day with Rihanna, according to her, the last time i see her was.... in Jan? almost 2 months! Really happy to finally meet her (: And of cos i'm more than willing to share with her my great tips of slimming down (HAHA!) Not ez ok... i went thru tough times though, like i said, the 3 core values when slimming down; Discipline, Self Control and most impt of all - PATIENCE! Hahahaha! We had Swensens' 1-for-1 treat and i believe u guys knw that their service is the speed of a tortoise yea? -.-

You know i felt really bad that i cant make it for a friend's 21st bd party or chalet. Becos i put myself in her shoes, argh! it's like being pang seh... why must like tt? -.- haiz. So i'm gonna 'bu chang' her. At least show some effort that you are sincerely 'SORRY' abt it rite?

Btw, i'm late to announce this. Muscles and I have officially broken up. A complete full stop already. Looking back in the r/s, i've learnt a lot and understand more abt myself and being a gf. Be it gd or bad, my strength and weakness as a gf, i feel that this r/s is more of an experience for me. Been thru a lot, joy and sorrow, i feel its the best conclusion. And most importantly, I've no more feelings for him alr. Pls do not think i'm feeling damn miserable etc. I'm really feeling fine. (= Thank you for your concern. I still treat Muscles as a friend you knw, we still can be gd friends; go out eat, watch movies etc. things that i would do with friends, only no intimacy (like duh!) hahaha! And i feel my friends around me do keep me happy as well. I want to specially thank people like Mel, Bev and Ad for being there for me. Really. Such friends are rare. They really helped me a lot, lend me their listening ear. I appreciate them so much till i want to write in this entry even though they may not read my blog... haha.

Anyw i honestly must say i need new jeans man. Seriously. Do you knw my wardrobe gt about almost 10 jeans and i freaking can NO LONGER wear them cos the butt area is freaking baggy and loose and among the 10 jeans i only manage to save 1 pair and maybe another pair but MUST plus belt. -.- But is expected like duh?? when you slim down, clothes all become big, whole body shrink what.. isnt this what you want irene??? so why are you complaining like a b*tch. SHUT UP!!!! makes ppl think u are damn FAKE and PROUD!!! (reflecting abt it, this mislead ppl to think im like tt wad rite?) hence... need jeans rite? go and buy la. duh!!-.- (but money leh??)

i think i need to tone down my "highness" -.- It's misleading people... and i'm really sorry =(

I was doing the cross trainer just now and watching the tv on channel ESPN. THEN, it was showing a bball match, what GA Tech team against DUKE team... then one of the player managed to save a ball that ALMOST bounce off court, but in return, this player actually langga into the (ist judge or news updater?) cos this man is attending to the labtop and watching the match, sitted in the front row facing the match perfect spot man. HAHAHAHA! OMG! damn funny lar! the bball player literally langga into the man and the labtop actually fell off the table LOL! AND the best part, for this scene, they keep replaying it showing different angle on how the bball player langga into the man and how the labtop NICELY fell OFFF the table WHAHAHAHAHA!!! they replay about 10 times i can promise i'm not lying man! i nearly wanna laugh out loud at the gym, i was controlling only. damn jokes! wat the hell lar! HAHA!!!

Ok.. prelims in a few hours. Adly is gonna hear me whine after 10pm. LOL. bombard him with my whinesssss... nanny nanny poo poo! ;P (HAHA!)

I miss the old time, during those days when Muscles was chasing me, those honey moon days with him, where he would call me to talk to me on the phone every nite.i rmb he played daytona with me at arcade. i rmb he came to my place, hoping to impress my mother. he gave me back rub. He would send me home after we went out together. After some time people wont stick to things that are NOT them, you just do those sweet nice things to win the girl's heart. When you're finally together with her, you would show your true colours. How much i wasn't important to you in your life, how much money and friends seems to be a priority more, how far & inaccessible my place actually is and its inconvenient for you to come.

Even just a simple, "baby. i love you"... i rarely hear them from you anymore.

I must say, things change. the heart change. and people eventually change.

You've had your chance, didn't you? when i'm gone, is not because my heart change, is you've been you and all along, i dont know you, at all.

did i said i lose out from my previous post?

oh yes i did. And yes, i really did.

I cant expect much though. anyway, every decision made is by choice.

I choose it, then i shall face it - be it gd or bad it may be.

I'm back home from Orlando. So how's everybody? anyway the day i came home is the day i had gastric flu, vomited abt 10 times on the plane (wth!), not enough slp (babies on board are a nightmare!!) sickening babies are a pain in the ass, my ear drums nearly bleed due to their non stop crying and wailing. I HATE BABIES ON THE PLANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TOTALLY!!!!! I cant wait to shove a cloth into their damn mouth.. Anyway i had a jab. I'm super thankful i dont need to go hosp for drip or wad. Cos ytd i really didn manage to eat any food, cos the fact is whenever i eat smth, i will have the tendency to throw out. And i only throw out liquids - orange juice and green tea -_-

Watched Jap shows Kaiji and new show Parade in the plane. Both movies not tt bad. Except Parade i dont really get it. Kaiji's ending is a lil abrupt. Hopefully i will recover by tmr so that i can hit the gym finally!! :D gonna do my inbody and see how much fat mass gained.. =( haiz. i knw confirm my muscle mass drop, fat mass... PLS DO NOT SHOCK ME BY INCREASING 1KG!!! OMG... i have to do the cross trainer for life. I enjoy my trip to walmart and walgreens in states. I bought massive amount of food back home. Sis thinks i buy back the whole walmart. hahahaha!!! The food in states is real good. Buffets are freaking common. WEather is shet cold to the max, unlike Singapore now is shet HOT to the core. -_- And of cos i bought a lot of things for my friends. hmmm, reflecting abt my life. Seems i'm always thinking of my friends more. But the thing is, i'm too nice till people take advantage of me. Though it's a lil sad, but anyway, you cant find really nice people on earth. So being nice, makes me lose out in the end. I really lose out. a lot. too much that is too late to regret. so... what to do?

Hi, been not so gd BUT getting slightly better, a bit. Muscles broke up with me a few days ago after we sort of patched back when I've decided to take a break. Erm, it was a rather abrupt break up with no signals or signs b4 hand, i dont really really know what major mistake i did, i only can think is... maybe i sounded rude in my smses?? or i irritated him too many times??

Hmmm I did try to ask him but he didn really give me an exact answer. So i dont really know what he is thinking. I reckoned he has no feelings for me anymore, partly i think is due to how i treat him? i kinda reflect on what i did but yea, i think it's a bit too late to say "I'm Sorry" also, cos to him, it doesnt matter anymore.

As long as he feels happy. I shld respect his decision. Right?

I felt a dagger to my heart.

It's really the most emotional and painful moment at the point of my life.

I've cried my tears out.

Ok. I'm done. Time to move on. Tmr will be a better day. (=

good game.

the end is coming.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

To my sweetheart Muscles, i love you.

Whether rain or shine, tears or joy, i'll hold on to you. Though my present for you is damnnn simple! A letter & A photo frame of the 2 of us... BUT! It's not just like this (:

Hehe! "A picture speaks a thousand words". The photo frame is the KEY to the feelings in my heart for you. (:

lovelove dearest!

I'm not a fan of Black Pepper. But ytd's JP black pepper steak was superb! Extremely tender and the meat really chewable, not tough at all! I really enjoyed dinner, it was very filling. And i knw i had an amount of intake of TRANS FAT from the dessert! (shet!) it's trans fat ok. takes dont knw how many months + years to break down.

Actually, the truth is, i'm quite scared of where the relationship is going. But oh well, you have no one else to blame.

Alrights i'm off to tuition. After ytd's hardcore cardio workout, my bed tdy is super possessive, it refused to let me leave.

my life's been rather bz, revolving around sch, tuition, training... i've no time for commitment actually. So if i could turn back time, i hope Muscles and I shld have just been friends.

This is one of the worst feeling i had man, after so long.. I was super looking forward to tmr since sun. Training hard, specially buy beachwear, troubled my grandma to buy a suntan lotion... and all these hopes of enjoying a great day tmr ended with a sms saying - "No one is going alr" seriously wth? I'm freakin upset with the people who had the common thinking and made up the 'NO ONE' category. Thanks for spoiling my mood. Big thanks for bursting bubbles. Big Big thanks to 'whoever' you are even though i dont even knw WHO but whatever it is. A fact is a fact. Forget abt shooting me with a "C'mon, dont expect things to go your way, irene...". that's crap. Seriously. And tt's why i say i seriously hate last minute changes/cancellations - it just shows your plain irresponsibility.

The people who formed the 'NO ONE' category, i'll marked you down from tdy onwards.

This entry i'm gonna talk abt money. Haha. Ehhh this year i'm gonna spend a bomb. Big bomb pi bomb bomb. Because everyone is turning 21. My sis wedding dinner in June - Big Ang Pao eh eh~! So i've got to save a lot of money and basically those money is to buy those presents for the 21 ppl and an extra big ang pao money for my sister. Hmmmm... can i strike toto soon?? so that i dont have to worry abt not having enough money. haha.

Anyway a slight update about life now and so on. Sch lessons seem to be ending soon. Means a lot of independent studying b4 exams in May. Hmmm i wanted to say more, but i realise now is 2.30pm and i have tuition at 3pm. So means i have to log off now. right now. haha. See you. I'll update again sometime. (:

For the first time, i did my maths hw finished when the weekends have yet to arrive. (: ok gd job.

i dnt really like what happened ytd. haiz. i still love him. ya. but im getting tired. i think its physically, cos ytd i did weights training, 20min cross training then i go swimming straight away. wth. -.-

Greetings!

the shitty exams are coming in a few months time. Studying econs is like seeing stars. Maths is giving me migraine. not forgetting POA... i think the contents are extinct in me alr.

I'm enjoying the life of snacking(at random times only). but i'm also watching my diet very carefully. My sweetheart is suffering big time with chicken breast as his staple food. I knw obviously he is going thru a very tough time now, going thru days with low carbs + fats. but yet i'm bombarding him with my 'nonsense' day-in day-out. On top of all these, I'm also getting his nonsenses big time. Sometimes i think i shld give him a break.. and i hope he takes a break, for his own good.

Am i expecting too much from him? I want the best in him. I want him to be happy. I want him to win again. I want him to achieve his desired body. I want to see him smile as his effort paid off. I'm freaking naggy at the food he wants/tempted to eat and esp his sleep. Insufficient sleep. sleep late, wake up late. eat breakfast late. everything becomes late. I think i'm becoming his 2nd mother. The truth is, i dont like to nag at him. at all.

On random thoughts, i think i cope better with one less responsibility in my life. Justin's Bieber's One Less Lonely Girl shld be altered into; (for my case) One MORE Lonely Girl... Hahahahaha!! (I guess no one understands what i'm trying to imply. Unless there's a genius out there?)