Today I was a little hurt. I mean like, ok... Even though it was said tt there's smth wrong with his attitude.. (and ya, finally I kinda experience it despite my thoughtful efforts of rmbing his bd) he downright reject me right smack into my face. ( ok maybe I take it too hard..) but it was awful. Really awful. Wouldn't want to elaborate further alr. Guess its the first and the last. Do ppl learn to appreciate what has been given to them only after they have lose it?

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It is suppose to be a day of relax and having a celebration spirit. It's christmas day. But on the eve of christmas eve i'm greeted with some disagreements btwn me and my bf. It got worse ytd on the eve when I realise how much i've not been a gf who puts in her effort to assure her bf tt he is her everything. I failed. I realised I seemed to be not doing enough in his eyes. My love for him doesn't seem big enough. I felt miserable trying to meet his needs when it is against my conscience. 2 different personalities can they ever reach to a compromising stage of a r/s? I cant share what is known as private things but because I cant consult ppl on such private issues. I have to bear them and think tt it is ok?? Tt it is fine?? I'm going crazy. I really am. I cannot take the stress and I cant lead such a life crying at night over myself, how "in sensitive" I am as a gf in his eyes. I failed. Maybe this new lifestyle is rather difficult to handle. He in camp, experiencing depression soon over the boredom there. While me, work 8 to 6 job and hardly any life when all I do is morning work nite train. How tough. How difficult. :(

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Today will be a great day! (: I've attended a fantastic course ytd on neuro linguistic programme (NLP) and its was simply amazing! Cant believe the impact it had on me. Only ytd I begin to feel appreciated tt my company is able to put us thru such training courses of which I know its rare to get this opportunity to learn so much! (: I learn to cherish my love one more. I actually learn HOW to make ppl get attracted to me.(be it at a bar/club) it works but no way am I trying it out cos I will get myself into a deep mess and shit haha! I love my tubbie and I shld do it to him see if he gets attracted to me and falls in
Love with me once again? (: hahaha! Sounds good! Definitely! (:

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Is it true tt you wont know when is the end of every beginning ? I feel so empty suddenly. Like he is leaving soon. When he mentioned tt one day I wld find some1 better than him and leave him. I did kinda visualise how it wld be like when we are no longer tgt, it seems empty. The word is empty. I cant hear him telling me to call him every nite anymore. I wont see a single msg from him in the morn anymore. I wld be thinking all the time, "have I ever cross your mind?".. It's definitely not a good idea to think negatively in the mid of the night when tmr there's a wedding i'm attending and I wont see my double eye lid. But I jus feel scared. I'm scared i'm being given up on. I'm scared he has no feeling anymore. I'm scared tt I cant attend his graduation once again. I'm scared i'm being replaced. And most importantly, i'm scare the photoframe wouldn't mean anything to him anymore. :(

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