It seems true that i'm hard to understand. or is it my expectation of him is too high? I think i've gone too far at my words, the misunderstandings... jumping into conclusions..

There's a lot i'm keeping but i just cant seem to say it out until after his comp.Because it will only adds more stress to him.

To be honest, sometimes i dont really know him at all. He was right. I seem to be a stranger to him, and he does for me as well.

It's a new week. Maybe from this week onwards, i shld make a habit to keep a log book of my trainings and meals. (haha!) Actually i'm doing some experiments NOW... still in the process of it. Like this week for instance, i'm experimenting in terms of my diet; obtaining my proteins from food sources like Fish & egg whites (duh!). Yea.. because i surf the net last nite and i realised tt 100g of chicken breast has protein source double the amount of fish BUT the fat is 7 times the amount of fish (wth!-.-) my jaw instantly dropped i cant believed it? to prove what i read is indeed true? i'll embark on a FISHY diet this week, minimal amount of fat intake a day, continous CT as per normal... and we shall see if my fat drop. How does that sound? (: Anyway my best record in a week is 1kg drop of fat(omg tt's 9000 calories of fat BURNT!). Can this diet and my regular training beat tt record? we shall see...

As for training... hahaha! SECRET! =X i'm pretty confident of my experiment for my training because... today is the 4th day of trying it, and i can see really minor results SEH!!! OMG! just the fourth day!! i'm trying it out until the 10th day, 20th day and hopefully... i can achieve my goal (: Oh well, if it's successful, i'll spill out the beans alrite? (:

Hey, let me be honest now. I kinda missed my days with Muscles, yea its true. Spending a few hrs in the weekends with him. Going to his place to slack and just be by his side. Thinking of ways to make him smile by showering my love on him; love in terms of giving him things, preparing meals for him etc. I miss his embrace. I miss giving him a back hug. I miss leanning on his chest to feel his rapid heart-beat (it's rapid, cos he is taking some fat burner-.-) I miss his french kiss. (HAHAHA!) I actually miss the times he made me upset and angry and really P-I-S-S me off! Ahahaha! Now tt's utterly STUPID! To think i actually hated it, now tt it's gone with the wind and i got the cheek to miss it.

Anyway i'm glad thru out my r/s with him, he never knew abt this place. he never knew that i onced really love him very VERY much! My Love for him was the most GENUINE feeling. I never knew love can be so powerful. He must be very tired running thru my mind all day long. So the days he complained he was tired, i can understand why.

Oh well, every beginning has an ending. At least we are still friends (: and though he is "alone". Alone in a sense, he is not like Myren and Brandon who has their gf by their side thru thick & thin of the comp preparation. I really want to be there for him... AS A FRIEND! You know i'm your nicest friend on earth. (: THE NICEST! DAMNEDEST! And it's your loss for throwing me away. (Hahaha!) So how many sweet people out there still cherish me?? (((=

OMG! ok i've calculated. for 14 wks save 50 bucks per wk. and for 3 mths i take out 50% of my tuition fees per mth. Plus the remaining money i've saved. Hmmm... shld be a gd big ang pao already. (but wah piang! i think i need to think twice b4 buying clothing for myself man-.-)

Today was a great day with Rihanna, according to her, the last time i see her was.... in Jan? almost 2 months! Really happy to finally meet her (: And of cos i'm more than willing to share with her my great tips of slimming down (HAHA!) Not ez ok... i went thru tough times though, like i said, the 3 core values when slimming down; Discipline, Self Control and most impt of all - PATIENCE! Hahahaha! We had Swensens' 1-for-1 treat and i believe u guys knw that their service is the speed of a tortoise yea? -.-

You know i felt really bad that i cant make it for a friend's 21st bd party or chalet. Becos i put myself in her shoes, argh! it's like being pang seh... why must like tt? -.- haiz. So i'm gonna 'bu chang' her. At least show some effort that you are sincerely 'SORRY' abt it rite?

Btw, i'm late to announce this. Muscles and I have officially broken up. A complete full stop already. Looking back in the r/s, i've learnt a lot and understand more abt myself and being a gf. Be it gd or bad, my strength and weakness as a gf, i feel that this r/s is more of an experience for me. Been thru a lot, joy and sorrow, i feel its the best conclusion. And most importantly, I've no more feelings for him alr. Pls do not think i'm feeling damn miserable etc. I'm really feeling fine. (= Thank you for your concern. I still treat Muscles as a friend you knw, we still can be gd friends; go out eat, watch movies etc. things that i would do with friends, only no intimacy (like duh!) hahaha! And i feel my friends around me do keep me happy as well. I want to specially thank people like Mel, Bev and Ad for being there for me. Really. Such friends are rare. They really helped me a lot, lend me their listening ear. I appreciate them so much till i want to write in this entry even though they may not read my blog... haha.

Anyw i honestly must say i need new jeans man. Seriously. Do you knw my wardrobe gt about almost 10 jeans and i freaking can NO LONGER wear them cos the butt area is freaking baggy and loose and among the 10 jeans i only manage to save 1 pair and maybe another pair but MUST plus belt. -.- But is expected like duh?? when you slim down, clothes all become big, whole body shrink what.. isnt this what you want irene??? so why are you complaining like a b*tch. SHUT UP!!!! makes ppl think u are damn FAKE and PROUD!!! (reflecting abt it, this mislead ppl to think im like tt wad rite?) hence... need jeans rite? go and buy la. duh!!-.- (but money leh??)

i think i need to tone down my "highness" -.- It's misleading people... and i'm really sorry =(

I was doing the cross trainer just now and watching the tv on channel ESPN. THEN, it was showing a bball match, what GA Tech team against DUKE team... then one of the player managed to save a ball that ALMOST bounce off court, but in return, this player actually langga into the (ist judge or news updater?) cos this man is attending to the labtop and watching the match, sitted in the front row facing the match perfect spot man. HAHAHAHA! OMG! damn funny lar! the bball player literally langga into the man and the labtop actually fell off the table LOL! AND the best part, for this scene, they keep replaying it showing different angle on how the bball player langga into the man and how the labtop NICELY fell OFFF the table WHAHAHAHAHA!!! they replay about 10 times i can promise i'm not lying man! i nearly wanna laugh out loud at the gym, i was controlling only. damn jokes! wat the hell lar! HAHA!!!

Ok.. prelims in a few hours. Adly is gonna hear me whine after 10pm. LOL. bombard him with my whinesssss... nanny nanny poo poo! ;P (HAHA!)

I miss the old time, during those days when Muscles was chasing me, those honey moon days with him, where he would call me to talk to me on the phone every nite.i rmb he played daytona with me at arcade. i rmb he came to my place, hoping to impress my mother. he gave me back rub. He would send me home after we went out together. After some time people wont stick to things that are NOT them, you just do those sweet nice things to win the girl's heart. When you're finally together with her, you would show your true colours. How much i wasn't important to you in your life, how much money and friends seems to be a priority more, how far & inaccessible my place actually is and its inconvenient for you to come.

Even just a simple, "baby. i love you"... i rarely hear them from you anymore.

I must say, things change. the heart change. and people eventually change.

You've had your chance, didn't you? when i'm gone, is not because my heart change, is you've been you and all along, i dont know you, at all.

did i said i lose out from my previous post?

oh yes i did. And yes, i really did.

I cant expect much though. anyway, every decision made is by choice.

I choose it, then i shall face it - be it gd or bad it may be.

I'm back home from Orlando. So how's everybody? anyway the day i came home is the day i had gastric flu, vomited abt 10 times on the plane (wth!), not enough slp (babies on board are a nightmare!!) sickening babies are a pain in the ass, my ear drums nearly bleed due to their non stop crying and wailing. I HATE BABIES ON THE PLANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TOTALLY!!!!! I cant wait to shove a cloth into their damn mouth.. Anyway i had a jab. I'm super thankful i dont need to go hosp for drip or wad. Cos ytd i really didn manage to eat any food, cos the fact is whenever i eat smth, i will have the tendency to throw out. And i only throw out liquids - orange juice and green tea -_-

Watched Jap shows Kaiji and new show Parade in the plane. Both movies not tt bad. Except Parade i dont really get it. Kaiji's ending is a lil abrupt. Hopefully i will recover by tmr so that i can hit the gym finally!! :D gonna do my inbody and see how much fat mass gained.. =( haiz. i knw confirm my muscle mass drop, fat mass... PLS DO NOT SHOCK ME BY INCREASING 1KG!!! OMG... i have to do the cross trainer for life. I enjoy my trip to walmart and walgreens in states. I bought massive amount of food back home. Sis thinks i buy back the whole walmart. hahahaha!!! The food in states is real good. Buffets are freaking common. WEather is shet cold to the max, unlike Singapore now is shet HOT to the core. -_- And of cos i bought a lot of things for my friends. hmmm, reflecting abt my life. Seems i'm always thinking of my friends more. But the thing is, i'm too nice till people take advantage of me. Though it's a lil sad, but anyway, you cant find really nice people on earth. So being nice, makes me lose out in the end. I really lose out. a lot. too much that is too late to regret. so... what to do?