2 days ago, my chest ache like hell.

Today, my shoulders take a turn.

Yesterday, I got rather emotional. I really had enough. After almost a week ago i made the conclusion that my boss dislikes me, Ytd i had it enough. My week was a torture, bearing his oblivion of my presence. I realised that between the option of being treated harshly and being treated as if you were around, not needed, not wanted at all, the feeling of the 2nd option is worse than the 1st.

This treatment, is by far, the worst i ever had.

I finally poured out those tears that i've held back. It was way beyond what i can hold.

I know myself i was never a problematic worker. I dare to say, I am a gd worker and likeable by everyone. But this time, i never felt so defeated and emotionally + mentally "tortured" by him. Even if i were to move on somewhere, I still cant accept all I've done, ended up with such results and treatment.

And very quickly, my term of serving a year as a CCPE will come to a conclusion when Nov comes. Over the past 6 months working with Mr Chai, I realised I've grown under him. Grown to be tolerant to a nasty boss like him, tolerate his hot plus bad tempered-ness. His scoldings and shoutings at me over... issues that wasnt my fault to begin with or even the absolutely small matters. There are times he really hurt me so badly, till i really dont understand why do i deserve such treatment from him. Despite how "bad" he treats me, i can further conclude he doesnt like me at all. From the way he treats other colleagues and the way he treats me, its complete Heaven & Hell situation. If based on my performance as a CCPE, i know i'm different from the past CCPEs. I'm full of initiative, full of ideas and opinions and suggestions. I spot mistakes and errors. I identify them. Provide solutions to problems. But they weren't really appreciated. Instead i was deemed as 'over-doing'.

You know i really like working for Mr Chai, despite how difficult he is. But it just seems I'm not a worker he would want to appreciate, esp my strength and how i can benefit him. Sad.

OMG! How i wish i can turn back time and remain like this! Missed this "slimmer" me. Anyway... i seriously think i need to be vain for once... get myself all the whatever 'Women-feeling-conscious-abt-her-looks' all those necessary ways to achieve it. Like seriously i need manicure on my nails... a trimmed eyebrows soon... I just got a haircut today and seriously, i'm freaking pissed with my so-called "luck". Why on earth the previous haircuts of mine seriously sux to the core. There is practically no hair cut that i seriously think my money is worth being paid for. cheap or ex. seriously. NONE! Pathetic. And now i just think my hair sux for "NO-GOOD"! Absolutely. pissed!! -_-

I know my blog is getting inactive. And i wonder when was the last time Tubbie read my blog. haha.