i'm freaking irritating now. and irritated as well.

i'm having moodswings all the time. =(

I'm really sad that i'm hurting Muscles. I dont want to make him feel upset at all =(
Today is our 6th month. I'm scared. I'm scared i'll go mad. =(

Supper is keeping me away from my fitness goal. And i believe it's a test of your Self Control-ness.

Muscles made me feel appreciated these few days, after knowing how much he has hurt me on Vday. But however, it's a lil sad to know that my feelings is not as deep as b4.. First and foremost, I cant believe which girl can bear with his treatment towards her, on the day she expressed her greatest love for him. Right now, this is Muscles' dP.



This is a secret msg i sticked it behind the present i gave to him, which is a photoframe, on vday. He said he was really touched and he felt damn bad on vday when he claimed it was a bad vday (when i gave him smth and i receive nth at all from him.) anyway it was a pretty long story... it was the most hurting experience i ever got from him.

Weather is unpredictable these days. Sometimes hot, sometimes raining cats & dogs. I came to realise that I had gone thru a major sms explosion last month. omg. i actually hit more than 1000 smses in a month. The figure is eye-opening i've never experienced tt before. Since when i became a business woman?? so many smses in a month wth?!? -.- Time to cut down on smses!!

Night classes this week, and next as well. Wow seem more and more busy, and exams so freaking near. I hardly flip the pages of my econs, poa and basically its everything. haha! (still got the cheek to laugh!) oh well, i cant believe i still can relax at one corner and not mugging for the upcoming exams. Smth's wrong with me man.

Yes.. i think smth is wrong with me. I feel i'm a bit of a changed person, in some ways of course. but is not that i dont admit it, people changed w/o them knowing, they need ppl to tell them WHERE exactly they have changed. I cannot really identify exactly what's my change right now as compared to last time. Dont talk abt my regular routine of gymming, i mean in terms of attitude and character?? =/ like how? for better or for worse? pls be frank with me man.

I think every entry i have the tendency to update my r/s status. At the moment, oh well, zhiwei is very right. I've lost faith in him and it leads to my feelings to fade eventually, whether i regain back my feelings, it all depends on him, how he's gonna salvage it. I dont believe i'm a bitch. What i mean is, a bitchy woman who breaks up with her partner and go for another guy tt sort of thing. I believe i have a loyal heart. Because my rule of conduct is like,'do unto others what you want others to do unto you.' seriously man, if i were to leave Muscles for another guy, i know i will have my retribution one day. So ultimately, the best is, never love the other more than he loves you. The one who love less has more power in the r/s. damn true, like totally. Ok dont get me wrong, i dnt have feelings for any other guys man, Muscles is still in my heart, just that he doesnt knw how to love me and i feel so 'wth' why am i so dumb, like dont i deserve some1 who knws how to cherish me more???-.- And one personality trait bodybuilders have in them, in general, is their selfishness. This is the truth. damn blardy selfish and only think of themselves. (like as if i dont. HAHAHA!!!!)

Ok i think i've said enough on that part. I'll cont on another time cause right now. I need my afternn nap. REST!! Sch later on. POA! (Somehow i feel POA is like a stranger to me. shet!!)

Marche treat was ytd. Zen and I ate hell a lot. Rosti was our main purpose to eat there. and according to him, he says the food is rather salty. I didn even know tt. So i guess my sodium intake overshot ytd, without knowing it.

Zen shared with me otw home about bodybuilding and some underside of bodybuilding. I feel that he has gone really far in bodybuilding, having started out 4 years ago and he is really well experienced. Bodybuilding is really for him. A lifestyle that not many people have the talent for it, have the cut for it. Somehow i really admire how much he has been thru, how bodybuilding really shape his life to become who he is today. I must say, I'm really proud of him that he has achieved so much, just that i dont know how to tell him that you know, he is really someone any bodybuilder can look up too, I really respect him in this aspect a lot a lot. And i actually feel that, the one who is really really proud of him, but yet couldnt show it at all.. is none other than his late father. Though his father is no longer arnd, I believed He sees him thru his entire journey of bodybuilding. You know i didn mention his 'father' would be the one that is most proud of him.. because i dont want to remind him abt his father again, like why? So i said "family". But instead he was pretty -ve abt his family. Cos he claims his mother doesnt like him in this line and he is not even close to his sister. You know that blood is thicker than water rite? even i can say, i'm just 'water' to him, but yet he doesnt know that his mother deep down, is proud of her son. Somehow i looked into her eyes and facial expressions.. i know she really cares and i know she really loved him. You knw, some people just dont know how to express their love for a person at all, but deep down they really really love them so much.

Anyway, dont ever envy me that i'm fortunate to have him, that he is mine, my boyfriend etc. I dont know how long our r/s will last. Because i know i wont marry him for sure. hahahaha! Even though he claims he wants to marry me but i promise you tt's not gonna happen. Actually i'm just waiting for some new girl to come into his life and some new guy to come along or maybe even none, then we can come to a conclusion. I know you think its weird that i'm typing this but seriously, i know we have no future, honestly speaking. I'm too mature/sensitive for him and he needs someone younger and more of his type kind. We are not really compatible la. He has some flaws I really cannot accept. I dont trust him as much as what a gf shld have done. Why i dont trust him is because he doesnt convince me in ways that i shld place trust in him u know? You wouldnt believe it, i request for breakup hell lots of time alr. He doesnt let go cos he say he really loved me but i think its not true la. And you might ask, "Do i really love him?" Well, I do... sometimes only. On and Off. Its on the rocks. Maybe its true i fall in love easily and fall out of love easily. It's really true.

Anyway, I'm sorry, this blog entry is just to show tt he is like the limelight now. And i talk quite a lot abt him. But you know, this is like a phase of my life now. This phase will end soon. It's just a matter of time. Maybe the time when he's handcuffed to army and I'm handcuffed to school. Probably it'd be tt period everything now, will end.

Alrite, I've got school in a while. Exams in like 3 weeks time. So now i have to spend more time studying (but i dont seem to be doing that yet!). Hmmm gtg get ready. Update soon. (:

Ytd was the Bodybuilding Nationals. Like finally. 10th April has arrived! Muscles really own the stage for his Junior's Men category. Clinching Champion once again.. 3 years in a row...


See his 2 medals... He gt Champion for his Junior's (Under 21) Category and 2nd for Senior's (Open to all age grp) Category. Gold & Silver Medal.. plus the trophies too. See his bloody hard rock abs... after eating 4 pcs of my peanut butter and pandan bread.. the abs still there sia. Crazy! haha. And and...


He still can walk arnd the house in his Levis underwear.. DOOR OPEN SOMEMORE! wth!!! -_-" but when u take a close uplook.. his biceps are huge.. his quads esp.. jaw dropping.. i'm really happy for him that he achieved his goal. =) and he's really happy!



Ytd was really a tiring but very good show watching the championships. Though there are politics behind it (sian-.-) but nvm.. overall its not bad. considered it's my first time watching Nationals.

Good Job Muscles! =)

Today's training is very very fruitful!!! Did 2hr cardio without feeling worn out! feeling great!!! (= i love the stamina in me. I hope i'm able to do a gd workout like today for tmr's training! (: and and, tonite pls pls sleep early and rest early! cos tmr i mus mus wake up earlier so tt i can reach the gym early!! and train early!! (:

I feel really gd I must say. I'm also excited tt Nationals for our beloved bodybuilders is this coming sat!! 3 more days!!! i cant wait i cant wait! So exciting! I hope it'd be a fantastic show. Seeing Muscles, Brandon and Myren on stage, shining like Champions! (=

I like where we are going now. I like it that i can somehow... embrace the old Muscles back into my arms already. I miss the old Muscles so so much. I love our time spend tgt, those quality time. Back in those days when we have triple dates along with Myren & Beverly as well as Mel and Brandon. I hope we can catch a movie tgt again. I hope all of us can camwhore again b4 our boys enter army. I really hope Muscles will always be who he is as 'Muscles' in my heart.

I love my love. (=

Every time I manage to let you go,
you somehow manage to
sneak right back into my heart.

Relationships are like glass.
Sometimes it's better to leave them broken
than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.
How true it is...

financial crisis!!