It is suppose to be a day of relax and having a celebration spirit. It's christmas day. But on the eve of christmas eve i'm greeted with some disagreements btwn me and my bf. It got worse ytd on the eve when I realise how much i've not been a gf who puts in her effort to assure her bf tt he is her everything. I failed. I realised I seemed to be not doing enough in his eyes. My love for him doesn't seem big enough. I felt miserable trying to meet his needs when it is against my conscience. 2 different personalities can they ever reach to a compromising stage of a r/s? I cant share what is known as private things but because I cant consult ppl on such private issues. I have to bear them and think tt it is ok?? Tt it is fine?? I'm going crazy. I really am. I cannot take the stress and I cant lead such a life crying at night over myself, how "in sensitive" I am as a gf in his eyes. I failed. Maybe this new lifestyle is rather difficult to handle. He in camp, experiencing depression soon over the boredom there. While me, work 8 to 6 job and hardly any life when all I do is morning work nite train. How tough. How difficult. :(

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Today will be a great day! (: I've attended a fantastic course ytd on neuro linguistic programme (NLP) and its was simply amazing! Cant believe the impact it had on me. Only ytd I begin to feel appreciated tt my company is able to put us thru such training courses of which I know its rare to get this opportunity to learn so much! (: I learn to cherish my love one more. I actually learn HOW to make ppl get attracted to me.(be it at a bar/club) it works but no way am I trying it out cos I will get myself into a deep mess and shit haha! I love my tubbie and I shld do it to him see if he gets attracted to me and falls in
Love with me once again? (: hahaha! Sounds good! Definitely! (:

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Is it true tt you wont know when is the end of every beginning ? I feel so empty suddenly. Like he is leaving soon. When he mentioned tt one day I wld find some1 better than him and leave him. I did kinda visualise how it wld be like when we are no longer tgt, it seems empty. The word is empty. I cant hear him telling me to call him every nite anymore. I wont see a single msg from him in the morn anymore. I wld be thinking all the time, "have I ever cross your mind?".. It's definitely not a good idea to think negatively in the mid of the night when tmr there's a wedding i'm attending and I wont see my double eye lid. But I jus feel scared. I'm scared i'm being given up on. I'm scared he has no feeling anymore. I'm scared tt I cant attend his graduation once again. I'm scared i'm being replaced. And most importantly, i'm scare the photoframe wouldn't mean anything to him anymore. :(

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