Today is sort of the first sunday since school term starts. And I really felt so "free". No commitment for tuition. Anyway, i'm suppose to motivate myself to try to cardio for 2hrs tdy but I failed. And thinking that tubbie wld be very upset with me, instead he said smth so heartwarming. He said," good enough. Its good enough (: " such simple words of encouragement I felt from him, really made me feel tt he sees my effort to cardio. He is so encouraging. I love him very much this way (:

Tubbie I love you!

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Today I was a little hurt. I mean like, ok... Even though it was said tt there's smth wrong with his attitude.. (and ya, finally I kinda experience it despite my thoughtful efforts of rmbing his bd) he downright reject me right smack into my face. ( ok maybe I take it too hard..) but it was awful. Really awful. Wouldn't want to elaborate further alr. Guess its the first and the last. Do ppl learn to appreciate what has been given to them only after they have lose it?

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It is suppose to be a day of relax and having a celebration spirit. It's christmas day. But on the eve of christmas eve i'm greeted with some disagreements btwn me and my bf. It got worse ytd on the eve when I realise how much i've not been a gf who puts in her effort to assure her bf tt he is her everything. I failed. I realised I seemed to be not doing enough in his eyes. My love for him doesn't seem big enough. I felt miserable trying to meet his needs when it is against my conscience. 2 different personalities can they ever reach to a compromising stage of a r/s? I cant share what is known as private things but because I cant consult ppl on such private issues. I have to bear them and think tt it is ok?? Tt it is fine?? I'm going crazy. I really am. I cannot take the stress and I cant lead such a life crying at night over myself, how "in sensitive" I am as a gf in his eyes. I failed. Maybe this new lifestyle is rather difficult to handle. He in camp, experiencing depression soon over the boredom there. While me, work 8 to 6 job and hardly any life when all I do is morning work nite train. How tough. How difficult. :(

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